Without Losing

I long for the fabric hanging
the feeling could only be described
as effervescent, like, for once, I had
truly beat
something
I experience these moments
in which
I imagine taking
a scalpel, no a razor, no a butcher – no a scoop,
Yes- like an, I do not want to say the words ice cream
For the thought itself is frightening
but taking an ice cream scoop
one which has been sharpened and made
piercing
taking the scoop
and flattening
it to the point that it is less of a half sphere
and more of an elongated tool
-I am sure medical practitioner’s have a name for such a device
though it is only a feeling –
taking the scoop and
running it along my pale skin
or else under my skin
watching the layers or the ripples, the folds, the creases
diminish
pushing it against my arms and legs and dragging
so that all that is
left is bone and muscle
each ounce of it ___
dispelled
pushed out
carved away from
leaving nothing but
taught
and tight
and sculpted
Perfection
without flaw
without error
without feeling

8/28/11